Slarti Bartfast Presently

Slarti Bartfast

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Slarti rode into the Colored Forest after hearing of some good fishing. He came upon a village around a lake with signs denoting it belonged to CrimsonBeasts.

Sure hope they're friendly.

He pulled around by a house where he ran into an old companion, Guymov, who had now joined the CrimsonBeasts by the look of it. "Good to see you!" said Slarti. "Here's some beer." This was how Slarti usually did things.

Guymov returned the greeting followed by an update, "A new guild, a location, a new adventure."

"Welp... it's really nice here. Mind if I do some fishing?" asked Slarti. Guymov nodded in approval. "Thanks!" said Slarti and proceeded to fish the day away in the lake. As the sun neared the top of the sky, Slarti heard some weapons being unsheathed inside the fishing house behind him where he'd left his horse and cougar. He wandered around and into the house to find two more members of CrimsonBeasts, Qnulss and Luluptitepu they identified themselves as Slarti shared his name and reason for being there.

At first they seemed friendly, but Slarti had difficulty understanding them due to a language barrier and accents. Then, without warning, Qnulss drew his sword and begin hacking at Slarti. Luluptitepu slammed the door shut and they both beat Slarti to a bloody pulp followed by horse and cougar. Slarti rezzed at the nearby priest and walked back to where he had been murdered as the two stepped out of the house and met a third in another. Slarti stormed in hollering about how he'd shown nothing but kindness and had been granted permission by an old friend their ranks when they again slaughtered him without an reservation. This happened once more and then Slarti could no longer use the priest in that area. Dismayed, he floated back to Meduli in spirit form and sucked in the air.

"Last time I give any CrimsonBeasts free beer. Guymov's new guild are sure mean."
 

Slarti Bartfast

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After a few moments in Meduli and getting his armor back in order, Slarti his heard his name being called. It was Qnuss! "Slarti. Yeah. That is a guild spot. It it not for others to fish." he said flatly but firmly.

"Understood," said Slarti. "I won't be by anymore."

"Well then... good luck to you," said Qnuss.

"Aye... and good luck to you," said Slarti.

At least he was polite I suppose. Still, there was a chance for beer to flow through the Colored Forest and into their town, but they have chosen selfishness and xenophobia. Must've been something pricey in that lake that I don' t know about or how to even fish out. Slarti chuckled to himself. Who knew that fishing the endless bounty of Myrland's lakes and rivers could get you killed. Back to Meduli.
 

Slarti Bartfast

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Slarti stopped by the post after he grabbed some new bags and magic reagents. The postperson handed him a single envelope with a message along with several gold for his beer sales. He pocketed the beer sales and ripped open the envelope. It wasn't often that he got correspondence, usually only payment.

Slarti,

The guys who killed you are very sorry, they didn't know about our friendship.

- Guymov


Slarti sat down and pondered.

The short but meaningful condolences of a warrior. So many times in this crazy world of Nave do we find ourselves the victim of circumstance, in this case the circumstance of allies of an ally not knowing I'm an ally. Not the first time it's happened and likely not the last. At least now, I know that I can bring more beer that way and can expect a friendlier reception next time. There's so little time for words in the world of Nave.
 

Slarti Bartfast

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As Slarti reached the outskirts of Meduli, he breathed a sigh of relief. He was carrying far more beer than normal as Meduli and Vadda had drank absolutely every drop of the last delivery. Halfway through his exhale, a cloud of dust appeared between the houses that he was approaching. Then seven to eight riders in full armor burst through into view.

"Oh shit!" Slarti veered hard left and cracked the reigns hoping that the party would see he was actively trying to avoid confrontation. Alas, this only caused them to break course and veer toward him. Seeing no way around, Slarti pulled tight on the reigns and ordered his horse to stop dead. The riders thundered up to him and then veered around him laughing and chuckling.

"Slarti!" one of them yelled as they passed. It was just a KotO patrol.

Whew... that could have went waaaay worse.
 

Slarti Bartfast

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Slarti was enjoying a beautiful day fishing in the pond just outside of Tindrem Garden Gate and down the hill. Suddenly, a few flakes of snow began to fall.

What th...? At least it is kinda pretty.

A minute later he couldn't see the end of his rod and found himself in a blizzard.

Sundamned elementalists.

He stashed his fishing pole and returned to his mount to ride back into Tindrem for the evening and fall asleep by a fire.
 

Slarti Bartfast

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Hammers a message to the Tindrem message board.

Let it be known that a one PSILOCYBE seeks to impede harvesting, commerce, and ultimately and most unfortunately beer from being safely transported in West Myrland. If yeh beh a merchant, keep yer distance. If yeh be a fighter, please consider bullying this fella outta Tindrem range.

Thanks
- Slarti Bartfast
 

Slarti Bartfast

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"Hey, little man!"

Slarti grimaced. That had to be... yep...

"Have you forgotten your older brother?

Slarti avoided eye contact for a moment and then met the gaze of the speaker, his adopted-brother and senior by 3 years.

"Brother!" sputtered Slarti weakly as Martilus enveloped him in massive bear hug.

Martilus was better at just about everything than Slarti in every way, except making beer. That remained Slarti's forte. Martilus was born of pure Tindremene blood, unlike Slarti, as he was adopted by Slarti's mother after the Conflux while she was pregnant with Slarti. As he was not of her blood, he was spared the shame when she (and thus Slarti) was ousted as a part-Kallard.

Martilus grabbed Slarti and noogied his head while laughing a deep, guttural guffaw. He was nearly two heads taller than his adopted brother and quite muscular. Slarti hated being always second-call-to-help when mother needed something, but Martilus was superior to Slarti in so many ways that it just made sense.

Back to living my life in the shadow of my brother.

Slarti sighed, resigned. Though for how much Slarti hated living in his brother's shadow, he also benefitted from it. He couldn't count the times that Martilus had come to his defense to the local bullies when they were young. He couldn't count the times when meat supplies were running low that Martilus was sent out to gather rather than him.

That's fine. He loves me, too, and shows it again and again.

Martilus had been a staunch supporter of his adopted brother, even in the worst of times when Slarti and his mother faced exile for their Kathard lineaage.

And he knows how to make some killer armor.

Martilus studied the blade and armor while Slarti studied magic.

"Look at what your'e wearing! We gotta get you set up, lil bro!" guffawed Martilus.

Wonder if he'll be interested in helping the Brewery.

(( Welcome my alt, Martilus, to the fold! ))
 

Slarti Bartfast

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Slarti muttered to himself as he walked up to the Fabernum town board.

"So many needlessly violent sonsofbitches. That could have been handled with words and payment. Hell... we could have drank together... on the house for them. Such is the lot of the shortsighted of Myrland. I'll not be sharing any draught with them by choice."

He nailed his message to the board.

I put forth the effort to kill a bear that had ransacked a campsite. It was quite a fight. It finally dies and I return to investigate the campsite. These two knuckleheads are there and tell me they wanted to tame the bear and proceed to slaughter me, my horse, and my cougar. I am but a simple merchant and committed no crime. Please law abiding badasses, I implore. Help keep the land safe from these two murderers that would kill the proprietor that brings so much beer and joy to West Myrland. Teach them a lesson! Then teach them again!I Kill Velarian and Jiga for their transgression! An eye for an eye, a beer for a beer! -Slarti Bartfast
 

Slarti Bartfast

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Hollers in Meduli center, "Let it be known that ZacharyGamble, Aidar, and their accomplices are criminal scum that attacked me unprovoked as I wandered just outside of Meduli to the southeast. I was waving hello to ZacharyGamble when he smashed his lance into me. Unfortunatley for them, my horse was faster. Get dead criminal scum!"
 

Slarti Bartfast

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Nails a note to the Tindrem message board.

Cadix has made a second or third attempt on my life, this time as I gathered spelt just outside of Tindrem by the guard tower. He had accomplices with him by the names of Danfouse and Resiste. End the attempted terror (they failed despite unleasing all of their might on me and my pets at once) of this Cadix that would deny beer to the good, law-abiding citizens of West Myralnd, and kill his acccomplices should you see them. Let them know that Slarti Bartfast should not be their target!

- Slarti Bartfast
 

Slarti Bartfast

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Slarti drunkenly poked through his bank bag. Suddenly, a figure appeared behind him holding up an entire wardrope on a coathanger! It was Goldsworth. Slarti reached out and received the Rustic Garments made of Crustacean and Guard Fur. He gave a six pack to the benefactor and then tried on the garments only to find that he was weighed down! They were two heavy for his petite frame!

The benefactor did not falter, however, and returned with an entire new set of Rustic Garments of Crustacean and Silk, Slarti's exact weight class! Slarti tried to return the guard fur garments but was denied. With little recourse, he shared another six pack with the crafter in pure thankfulness. This new set of duds topped what his brother Martilus had just learned to make! The Rustic Garments were of higher quality than Ranger Armor.

"I must tell Martilus to see if he can find the pattern for these marvelous clothes," said Slarti as he strutted around Meduli.
 

Slarti Bartfast

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Nails a message to the Tindrem board, this time accompanied by a crude sketch.

This bastard named Knulss road up on me during my ride from Meduil to Tindrem, just south of the Orchard. I hopped off my horse and offered him a beer. He hopped off his horse and said "Como?" and then slashed in my chest. I of course quickly vacated and he chased but was distracted by my cougar in the end, slaughtering it and telling himself he was a big boy. Kill Knulss the criminal for attempting to interfere with the business of Bartfast Brewery!
 

Slarti Bartfast

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Find himself at the Tindrem message board once again. West Myrland is ridden with crime right now.

The matter has become much more serious. These losers have nothing better to do than ride by the spelt farming outside of Tindrem by the back gate and kill me for spite. I have nothing of value. The spelt I carry is neglible. They simply want to disrupt commerce.

Badass and righteous fighers of West Myrland... I call upon you to hunt them down at every turn. I bear no ill will and only seek to distribute alcohol across Myrland, but they've made it their petty business to interrupt this. Make them pay until they recant and leave me be to harvest! Harvest the heads of Cadix, Psoriasis, Verrue, and Danfousse!
 

Slarti Bartfast

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Again... Cadix and crew right out front of Tindrem as I gathered karaton. Are there no honorable guilds around Tindrem that will put a stop to this? My beer production is being seriously slowed. End Cadix and his crew of disreputes, or you may find yourself vacant of beer in the near future. (( They had the decency to leave most of my armor this time... though they took my hat.. which makes me thing they might be in alliance with Chipmunk. My cougar also lived, though I tend to think that was probably due to a z axis bug. ))
 

Slarti Bartfast

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WTS.jpg
Bartfast Brewery has always been known for the best beer in Myrland. Now Slarti brings you the next big thing in beverages... LIQUOR! Bartfast Brewery is now Bartfast Brewery & Distillery!

Liquor is far more potent statwise than most beer, but Slarti's new price system ensures that beer remains the most economical option for your resource needs. Liquor provides a nice mid point between beer and roasted grain statwise but is far more economical than roasted grain due to Slarti's carefully planned pricing. See the pic for the new broker beverage list and follow the URL there to see the full menu, research, and pricing explanation.

Don't forget to stop by the physical Bartfast Brewery & Distillery location to pick up some free samples, food, and armor from the access chests with the password "sample"!

Grand reopening! Liquor and beer is in the Brewery and on the broker in Tindrem and Meduli! Fab, Vadda, Hyllspeia, and the East, I'm coming as soon as I can! The new liquor can be found on the broker under the word "ferment". Just look for Slarti's name. You can also still find my beer with the search term "beer".

*Oghmir's Ode is no longer available. Slarti has pursued other crafting options so that he can no longer make this beer.
 
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Slarti Bartfast

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Slarti charged out of Tindrem. It had been quiet lately. Most folk he passed steered away just as he usually did. Deliveries had been a cinch, but now it was harvest time. As he lumbered toward the Orchard on his bear with his massive razorback at their side, riders suddenly appeared behind him, no doubt watching him pass from the bushes. One of them connected with a lance charge knocking him off his bear. Slarti instinctively put his hands up. "I surrender, take what yeh want! I don't have anything worth much anyways."

The lancer rode up close baring the tabard of Crimson Beasts, "What do you have in the beast's bags? And in your bags in your pockets?" Slarti stuttered,

"Reagents, I'm a mage. The other back worthless fishing equipment. In my bear bags, I have beer and some nightsnatcher carcass."

"Wait.. beer? Slarti? No... no... don't give, you keep. We need you to keep making the beer. We stop by your place sometimes and get beer."

"Well!" said Slarti with a relieved sigh, "Thanks for not killing me on sight!"

"Keep making the beer my friend," hollered the lancer as he and his compadres rode off. Seconds later another set of riders appeared over the hilled as the Crimson beasts rode off, these now bearing the tabard of Malditos. Healed up and not in the mood for more, Slarti mounted his bear and shrugged off the axe swing form the Malditos with a greater heal and sprinted back towards Tindrem on his bear, impossible to catch. The Malditos pulled away.
 
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Slarti Bartfast

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"It is good to see you, old friend!"

Slarti looked up and found Nothvai approaching him in Tindrem after passing each other riding in opposite directions and coming to abrupt stops and about faces. He hadn't heard that voice in a long time.

"Come with me to the Mortuary," said Nothvai in the most socially pleasant voice while his canines shined in the sun on at the end of the word "me" looking sharper than the pointest spear in Myrland. "I promise not to harvest any of your flesh," he continued with a beguiling smile. Slarti smiled back and nodded, nervously eyeing a third party dressed in crustacean armor watching them from horseback.

Always an interesting time with this fellow. Why not?

Nothvai hopped onto to the horse of the crustacean armor clad watcher and motioned for Slarti to follow.

"Have you any skills in ritualism?" called Nothvai back towards Slarti.

"None at all!" said Slarti with a laugh.

"Then perhaps we shall have to see if we can fix that," responded Nothvai with such a measured tone that it could be perceived to have a number of meanings. As they approached the colleseum stables, a risen taur dog bounded out from the shadows of the entrance surprising Slarti. "Do not worry," said Nothvai, "it is mine. I could not bring it further into town or the guards would kill it." Slarti let out a relieved sigh and continued following his host and silent friend to the Mortuary.

Kind of a dark name... though he does injest the flesh of just about every humanoid clade out there.

After riding through the forest for a few minutes, Slarti involuntarily winced as a wave of stench hit his nostrils.

"There it is!" cheered Nothvai excitedly from atop his risen taurdog. A medium sized house next to a large stronghold came into view. A large for sale sign was outside the stronghole. The stench grew stronger as they approached the medium sized house. Nothvai and his companion dismounted near the stoop. Slarti followed suit. The three of them made their way into the house. Nothvai shut the door behind them and locked it, looking up with a grin that would make babies cry. "Welcome! Let me set up a table and some chairs," he said as he began rummaging through a storage area to the left of the entrance. Slarti looked around and saw bookshelf after bookshelf. Clearly the Mortuary was dedicated to the pursuit of knowledge... among other things. Slarti took a shallow breath after realizing he'd been holding his breath due to the smell. His olefactory went into overdrive nearly activating his gag reflex. He resisted and instead forced a smile as his host returned, "There we are. Come! You take one of the two chairs, Slarti."

Slarti entered into the impromptu dining room and took a seat at one of the two stools at the table. The silent companion sat across from him with Nothvai standing to his left. "Let me change into my..." Slarti tried to understand the last word but it was far more sophisticated than anything he had ever called robes in his life. He nodded and smiled again as this seemed to work for him pretty well through his life. Nothvai wandered over to a chest in the corner of the room while Slarti looked at the silent companion... when suddenly he spoke.

"Sup, I'm Siithis, brother of..." Slarti strained to try and hear the name clearly but he was unfamiliar with it and had only heard something similar pronounced only once. It sounded a little like "Boosh."

"Oh yeah! I remember that... person," said Slarti feeling fairly sure that he recognized the name even though he couldn't reproduce it. He looked to the left and now saw his host in his skivies, awkwardly making eye contact for a few seconds.

"Don't look," cried Nothvai. Slarti quickly turned away.

"Nope! Nope! Didn't see nothing," said Slarti, sounding more like he was trying to convince himself.

A moment later, Nothvai returned in robes the color of freshly harvested blood. "There we are. Something more formal. Made entirely from bloodsilk. I wish I were a bit more proficient in crafting with it," he muttered.

"It's quite... formal," blurted Slarti, trying to sound educated but only further emphasizing his rubishness.

"And now I will drink your beer. Have you any other flavors for my friend?" asked Nothvai. Slarti dug into his sack and pulled out some Stam Slammers. He also pulled out some Oghmir's Ode and gave it to Nothvai.

"I don't make this anymore because I don't specialize in top of the line ichor beer to get the mana effect. I can't think of a better fellow to receive the last few bottles," said Slarti, glad to make an true acquaintance but also equally glad to not be that acquaintence's meal.

"And now I must give you something. Here! Here!" exclaimed Nothvai, pulling a plated concoction out of a nearby chest. He set it down in front of Slarti. The smell caused Slarti to wobble a bit on his stool. It was a dark red mixture with large stretchy looking pieces that were clearly the skin of some sort of humanoid clade. Slarti smiled and rubbed his belly while looing at Nothvia who looked on expectedly. Slarti took a pointy utensil from the table and jabbed at a piece of the concoction. He brought it to his mouth and shoved it in, trying to swallow immediately. Unfortunately for him, something got stuck halfway down his esophagus. He started wretching and had to reach into his mouth and pull out a long stringy piece of skin. He tried to crack a smile and tossed the skin onto the floor like it were the natural thing to do.

"Ex... hrm hrm.. exquis... chfrphm.. hrm... exquiste," Slarti managed to say in between heaves that he was pushing back with every fiber in his being, trying to be polite to his host and avoid becoming another carcass in the chests that surrounded him.

Nothvai smiled and continued, "And now you must put your culinary skill to work for me! Come!" He pulled out many ingredients from different chests around the main room while Slarti waited at the cooking pot. "Yes, yes... and some ritual blood!" said Nothvai excitedly. Slarti gulped. He had never used ingredients like these before. He had no idea what the palate of someone who dined exclusively on those of the clade might be. He shrugged and began chopping the skin placed on the board next to the cooking pot. "Yes, yes!" cried Nothvai. Slarti sliced the flesh of one being into cubes and the other into slices. "Oh yes!" exclaimed Nothvai!

Well... I must be doing something right.

Slarti shoved all of the ingredients into the cooking pot and let it simmer for a short time, bringing the ingredients only to room temperature when the host demanded action. "Let's try it. Try some with me!" squealed Nothvai. Slarti gulped and nodded while forcing a smile. He used a nearby ladle and scooped a hunks of the room temperature fleshlike mixture onto two plates, handing one to his host. Nothvai took a piece directly in his hand an raised it towards Slarti in a cheers-like motion. Slarti grabbed a chunk from his plate and did the same. The both took a huge bite.

"Delectable," sighed Nothvai.

Slarti, however, found himself losing control. The mildly rotted flesh warmed to room temperature was doing something to his brain. He began screaming and mercilessly beating his host's stable master repeatedly. He screamed and flung fists for nearly 20 seconds before stumbling around a bit and regaining his senses.

"Marvelous! You must teach me the secrets of your cooking!" gushed Nothvai.

Slarti nodded as his perception seemed to settle again.

"And anytime you need flesh of a clade," continued Nothvai, "this chest is full of every kind you could imagine!"

Slarti nodded and tried to hold back a burp filled with stomach acid. He let forth a tiny belch and winced as the burn lit his esophagus like an outburst hitting a bandit. "Yeah... do you have any Thursar carcass? They usually kick my ass," he said with a cough punctuating the end of his sentence.

"Of course," said his host rummaging through several nearby chests. "Ahhh.. here we are. The carcass and head of Joebros!" laughed Nothvai.

"You know the name?!" sputtered Slarti.

"Of course I do! I keep all my carcasses catalogued with the head that belongs to them."

Slarti began to remember his first meeting with Nothvai. "Oh yeah... I remember now. Well, I'll take this carcass to the Brewery and try to whip something up that will be fitting of your refined tastes," said Slarti.

"Oh, I do look forward to it!" said Nothvai.

Slarti left the Mortuary atop his razorback, Patty, with another named Snot by their side. He was almost to the Brewery when fate struck and he was accosted by the bandits ScumKiller, superking, and Slashishurt. He immediately threw up his hands hoping to live and preserve the carcass of Joebros, but these lowlifes continued attacking him despite his show of surrender. The carcass was lost.